What I will also say to you Big Mama, is that I work very hard at "positives". I did that constantly last year as I posted contantly to other members whatever positive I could give them.

I rarely put my own out there because I didn't want to put down the negetives I was feeling. Instead it was better for me to keep putting out positives for others. I know I was misunderstood last year as well. But now as I think back, I was running really hard from the PTSD that was constantly challenging me. I came to PC constantly to do that because what I did have that I used to utilize for "positive" in my life was destroyed. And whenever I did other things I used to do, I suffered flashbacks because I did them to get away from pain and challenges that were very hard on me.

I am actually very grateful that I found PC and had an outlet to help me try to pull through some extreme challenges. I wish I could have shown members how bad I really was sitting at my computer typing away. What I was dealing with IRL that they could not see. I was giving others so much, I knew it was what I too had been crying for as well. But "no one" heard me IRL. I somehow knew that others would probably not understand how someone could seem so strong and positive yet at the same time be suffering to the depths of her.

I do know even instinctively that "positive thinking is a must". And in so many ways, I always knew it and did it for as long as I can remember. What got me is that what I put all my positive thinking into was "destroyed". And I honestly didn't know how to explain the depths of it, and I just saw the history and didn't think anyone else could see all the pieces of the puzzle that was destroyed.

Open Eyes