Isolation is the basis of my depression. I've always been isolated... when I was a kid it was because I was fat... so I hid away from cruelty as much as possible in homeschooling. There were still church kids to disappoint me... and we switched churches often - which was both an escape and a compounding factor, since I faced the same thing each time. The cruelty ended in high school, oddly enough, when I entered public school, but I never could connect with anyone. Being shy, unathletic, depressed and suicidal didn't help.

I still can't connect with anyone. I guess it has to do with being borderline. But knowing why doesn't help... I still feel hopelessly isolated - empty inside.

But tonight's a bad night... who knows whether there's actually hope.