Hello! Yes, I think low traffic forums maintain themselves--why check if there is little discussion? I'll try to contribute to the check-in. Might take some perseverance. I get scared of posting sometimes and avoid, avoid. Sorry you didn't get responses right away. I, too, tend to fill in silences with paranoia.

I wonder if you'd be able to challenge fears better in a group setting? That's a common treatment for social phobia. You get to hear judgments from others so your guessing-predicting-paranoid mechanism is taken out of the equation.

I think you can be paranoid and know it. The bipolar forum has posts from people who realize they are having mild psychotic episodes all the time. It's like part of your brain knows the thoughts aren't real...but not your whole brain.

I don't have a dx at all. I have been to T's who "do therapy not diagnosis," but then they casually mention that I have all of the DSM characteristics for AvPD (and other issues). I pick it up because I've read a ton trying to figure things out without talking to anyone (of course!).

When I work hard to challenge beliefs and be social, I can function better. However, I still assume that danger is around the corner. Anytime I stop being vigilant I start withdrawing. Anytime someone whispers I'm sure it's about me. I'm always ashamed of my behavior and watching for rejection. Praise and kindness are worse--I feel ashamed and terrified of being uncovered as a terrible gross person inside. My life is so painful.

I made it through grad school, but have done nothing since taking my licensing exam and moving four months ago. I am trapped in the house often because I am afraid of what neighbors will think. For the last 3 years, I have started daydreaming so much that I can barely function. It is the fastest way to make the fear and shame stop. It is the only thing I like to do now.

So that's where I am. Working every day to try to get back functioning so I can work. Terrified of job interviews--talk about judgment!

Glad you are posting and updating. Hard to confront your issues when your disorder is an inability to confront your issues...