as i was talking today, i looked over at my therapist and saw her looking/picking at her nails. it was very disheartening. i felt embarrassed for some reason, and like i was interrupting her or something. she looked up as i was looking at her, almost as if i had "caught" her. she turned her attention back to me, and made sure to say something validating about what i was talking about like, "yes, i can understand why that would be difficult for you.."

so i got back into the therapy groove and some time later - she did it again! clearly, something was wrong with one of her nails and it's like it caught her by surprise when she first saw it. and she has long nails that are perfectly (french) manicured, so perhaps this is something that would bother her more than most people. i don't know. but i just felt stupid for talking, as if she was totally bored with what i was saying. i mean, what does it say about my "problems" that a chipped nail is more interesting?

also, i gave her a framed poem (not by me) a few years ago. it's one of the only things i've ever given her, and she really liked it a lot. she ended up putting it in the client bathroom. i really came to love seeing it there, and felt good like i took up some "space" in her home (office).

today, i saw that it was gone. there's another poem there, one that she's had for forever that used to be in the waiting area. so i looked around the waiting area to see if she had just switched the two, but it wasn't there either. when i got into session, i looked (as best/subtly as i could) to see if it was anywhere around, but didn't see it. and i didn't have the courage to ask. i'm sure it'll come up eventually; i foresee myself saying something like, "so now that i'm on sliding scale, you get rid of my poem?"