Quote:
Originally Posted by DarlaKat
I told my friend yesterday....and she was shocked. It shocked me, too, saying it out loud. I know I should do the right thing but it's complicated... I know it's the abuse that has me feeling like this, but I feel like he needs me. I've motivated him to finally get back into school...we both work at the same place, same hours (MY IDEA, though he liked it because he could cuss other guys out if they hit on me)... We're going to go to therapy next month. Which I know I should just leave...ugh...I just feel like he could overcome it if he learned how to express himself and communicate appropriately.
My friend is really worried about me though and I hate doing this to her. It's not right for me to allow my best friend of 6 years watch me get constantly abused by men and go through cycles of depression and social withdrawal. I don't understand myself lol it's sad  |
Am pleased you told a friend.
You feel he needs you? This is classic manipulative behaviour. The only thing he needs from you is to control you. What about what you need? Do you not need to be in a relationship away from fear, emotional blackmail and pain? Please listen to me - YOU CAN NOT CHANGE HIM.
If he is going to therapy in the future, then good on him. I wonder tho, if he will make excuses when the time comes not to go? He has to actually admit that he's doing wrong and not a lot of abusers do this and mean it. How long will you be there for him to sort out his stuff? What if it takes him a couple of years to start changing his ways? Are you going to stay and be his punch bag for that time? All for something that may never improve, life offers no promises so please use your head, not your heart and get out early.
It would be better for your health, safety and sanity if you stepped away while he attempts to sort himself out. He actually should not be in a relationship the way he is now. He's not safe, he is a monster. And he has to have a complete 180 on his personality to ever deserve your love and trust.
All the time you are together, he'll get a deeper and deeper hold on you, erode any spirit in you and life together will get more complicated - kids, mortgage etc. And you have less people to talk to, not friends, no family that he will let you see. Leaving then will be even harder.
You should be looking after your own life, not his. He's lucky that you've helped him with school etc, but it should end there. He abuses you. Nobody ever should do that. Ever.