I feel like an absolute failure all the time. Even when I'm happy, I'm not the kind of happy other people feel. I'm merely content with my life. I get broken down easily and I seem to cry most days. I've lost about 50 lbs since January without trying because I spent a few months barely eating and abusing drugs. I'm probably more attractive than I've ever been before and it means absolutely nothing to me. I feel empty and broken all the time. I feel like no one really cares about me. My dad and his girlfriend have been pressuring me to move out of their house (I just turned 22) and my dad even offered to pay me to move... which hurt me a lot. I'm not ready because I'm going back to school and don't want the financial stress. I also lived with roommates for 2 months and it was the worst experience of my life. They treated me like ****, yelled at me and insulted me every single day. I broke down and showed up at my dad's house crying and he reluctantly took me back.

Everyone I meet really likes me until they get to know me. After a while, they all tell me I'm too unstable and crazy and they walk out on me. It hurts a lot. I can't keep friends or lovers for long. They all get frustrated with me and leave me alone. I don't want to live anymore but I also don't have what it takes to kill myself. I just want to disappear into thin air. My dad can't tolerate me anymore because I don't speak to him. I get home and go straight to my room because I have nothing to say. I don't want to talk to anyone and I'd rather be alone. I never text/call/email people back because I assume they don't want me to, like there's no point to it anymore.

I also get attached to people very quickly and I get my heart broken a lot because of it because no one stays in my life for long. I seriously feel like everyone would be happier without me. That's why they all cut me off one after the other.