Rose, you know you aren't a jerk I don't know about the rest of it but your reaction to the nurse and doc were understandable. I understand that you don't like losing your cool but it happens and in this situation and don't think it was really inappropriate. I don't think it's something you should be so down on yourself about. There are other people who are perfectly willing to take care of that
Try not to be so hard on yourself. Have the spasms gotten any better?