Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteClouds
It was a little strange watching him. He kept asking what was the proper etiquette. Do he supposed to open it in front of me or later. I told him he was supposed to open it in front of me. He opened it and had the biggest smile. He explained how he love traveling & had been to one of the locations on the calendar. Then he joked, "Let's run away to the one for February". Of course we laughed. Ha ha good one. *eyeroll* I guess after I told him about my transference monster he wished he had'nt told that joke. LMBO
What if your T would've taken it? What if he would've been thrilled beyond words for the gift? You never know. You sound like you're so humble and not wanting to watch someone open a gift in front of you. People appreciate gifts from humble, modest people more.
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I am glad you have a good sense of humor
It will take you far
I have talked ad nauseum about transference, and all I know about me is that there is some part of me that wants someone to take care of me, to help me with my emotions. This didn't happen when I was young, so it now interplays in all of my relationships. It is the reason why I intellectually understand why another adult can't act as my parent, while I concurrently have a part of me that, it seems, will accept nothing else but someone helping me with my emotions, holding them, etc. It is maddening because I have one foot in this world and one in another. I think one goal of mine is to stand in the spaces in between instead of fully feeling one or the other. Just my two cents.
About the gift, I can't even think about it, it makes me SO, SO uncomfortable. I don't think it's humbleness, but I don't know what it is. It is some deranged dynamic of mine, but I don't know which one
I wouldn't be able to focus on anyone else because I would be too busy hiding my shame (? I don't understand). I do know that the last thing that I want is someone watching me open a present and watching for my emotional response. Ugh, Ugh, Ugh. I know someone who, if this person is, say, watching a movie and he finds a part funny. He will sit and stare at me to see my reaction, and if I don't laugh, will tell me that something is wrong with me, that I am not who I was, just because I don't laugh at something stupid. I, myself, watch people's nonverbal language, to determine if there is a threat looming on the horizon. But I don't examine people's reactions when they are opening a present, when they are watching a movie, or whatever, and then find something wrong with them when I don't feel the same. Ugh. This is hitting too close to home. I should receive patient of the year for the amount of insights I have made lately. Just make sure nobody sends me gifts, lol. This is all so absurd. thanks for your questions and post. I hope I answered your question
I figured out a few of my own questions.
(Note: I don't think it is wrong to be happy that someone likes what you gave them - I think that is a normal response. I just walked through a trigger of my own, I am aware of the not so great place where it is coming from, it is uncomfortable, and this is why I feel the way I feel. Thanks for helping me work through this, White. I appreciate you.)