Thanks all for the advice and being straight forward, I appreciate it more than you know. Any major change causes major problems, to the point I end up in a mental ward at a hospital, sometimes after taking a massive overdose of pills. By all accounts, including the doctors who treated me, I should be dead. I figure I am alive for some reason, maybe it's my little granddaughter due May 1st? I think I over analyze everything instead of just living life. I know I need at least one or two good friends in my life. the people I am moving in with are good friends my age who understand I have social mental and physical problems. One good quality I have is I never ever screw over a friend, and will litterally take a bullet for one. My worst quality is i isolate badly and get sad about everything anymore. It's either I feel my kids don't love me anymore, or that my entire family has given up on me. I am afraid to ask for fear of looking even more insane than I already am.