Jen,
I wish I had some magic words or something to help you thru all this!
I have had a few bouts with self hatred and wanting to just be gone so I don't have to deal with all of this anymore.
I have a daughter, and she is what keeps me going when I want to give up.
I wish I could show up, knock on your door, give you some flowers and a big hug and tell you it will be ok.
Based on what I have read you have some big fans here at PC and they all support you and wish you the best. I am new around here but I can read, and you have so much worth to so many people!
Hang in there Jen!
Sending you good vibes...peace...love :-D