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Perna said:
My husband just isn't good at picking out gifts and items for me. I have to remember that he wasn't raised like we women were, to think about what others/men wanted. They're different animals and have to be taught by us to be the way we want them to be.

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YES... I agree, but believe me after 23 years together - he knows and he has been taught (over and over again) - so once again it is just a male thing from with in and not a lack of teaching. Sigh!!

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

P.S.

This is the REPLY that the QUESTION received....

If you don’t mind, let’s start off by getting something straight: men are very basic creatures. Most men model their behavior based on what their father did. I bet your husband’s relationship with you is similar to his father’s relationship with his mother. And let’s face it: previous generations were pretty traditional. An occasional card game with the neighbors, and a family vacation: that is as much extra-curricular activity as a typical family would have.
Men are trained to pay attention to anniversaries, birthdays and if you are lucky, Mothers Day. That is it! Most of us guys, by nature, are just not all that creative. (Well, there are a few exceptions but I don’t think they are going to be married to women.)

If you want your husband to continue the “pursuit” and to “woo” you, you have to get over the idea that it should come naturally to him. Most guys want to please their wives, but truly, truly don’t realize that what they were doing when they were dating was something that would need to be continued over in marriage. And it feels awkward to them, and they need lots of encouragement, not criticism.

So my suggestion is to 1) assume that he would love some romance but just doesn’t have the energy or thought to arrange it without a bit of help, and 2) take him by the hand, and show him EXACTLY what you want him to do, and 3) repeat the process (a lot). Show him all the things you want him to do and then tell him “I’d like to do this more often.” And also show him exactly how delighted you are when he does try, even if it’s not perfect. (I’m sure you can think of something that will fire up his incentive system!)

Main caution: Don’t get caught up in blaming your husband for all the things he doesn’t do. Never, ever, EVER criticize his tentative efforts, or you have just ensured that he will never try them again. In fact, that may be one reason why he’s shut down, and if you think it is, ask for forgiveness. The point is to get the activity you are missing back into your lives. This is going to take time. Eventually, your husband will find particular activities that BOTH of you enjoy and he will take the initiative to keep it going. Keep in mind, we are just men.

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Hmm -