T was in a jolly good mood when I arrived, which was bizarre to me considering last session. So I just went with it. She asked how I was and I said, "Busy, busy, busy." We talked about work and the changes at length. I dropped serious hints throughout the conversation about being honest regarding feelings with my clients and how we use them as teaching moments. I gave an example of how I've felt negative emotions toward a client and communicated them in an appropriate way.

None of that worked, so I finally segued into my last session, asking how she perceived it. I admit I was a bit miffed when she didn't remember IT!!! I was more than happy to remind her, but since I've already moved past it, I wasn't overemotional about it. She asked me how I perceived it. I said I perceived her as angry, scolding, and exactly like my mother. She denied being angry (once again), until I told her the physical evidence of anger...vein bulging in her forehead, eyes on fire, raised voice, and blotchy skin. She admitted she may have exhibited those things, but the blotchy skin is because her oncologist changed one of her cancer-inhibiting meds. She said the side effects are red skin to the point of looking sunburned (she was wearing a lot of foundation and still red). After a few minutes of discussion, I finally got her to acknowledge that she might have been a teensy bit angry at me.

Her side of the story (her perspective only):
Session before last (reminder: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=257060), T tried her damnedest to keep me from spiraling out from all the stressors looming before me. She wasn't talking about the end of therapy because she wants me gone, but because it is an eventuality. She wanted me to see that She was attempting to encourage me and point out my strength. She seemed to think I heard and understood what she was saying rationally, so she was blindsided when she received the email the same night. She perceived the email as accusatory and "borderline" (i.e. particularly in the way of black and white thinking...everything is "perfect" or everything is "disastrous").

I told her I was not in a place to hear what she had to say that session. I was already spiraling and her "encouragement" backfired. I told her that my email wasn't reactionary. I gave it a couple of hours and reread it several times before I sent it because I didn't want to appear accusatory or "borderline". I was reaching out for help.

She went on to say that was the reason she really hated email. You cannot always read the nuance or tone in an email. She said what she went through after the email is something she hates; having to consider that she, in fact, may not be helping me. If she found it to be true, ethically, she would have to refer me out and she doesn't want to do that.

T told me that the job change I'm experiencing may be one of the absolute best confidence boosters for me. She said when I was talking about it earlier, I exuded confidence. That made me feel pretty darn good.

We scheduled a month out then I gave her a gift and a handmade card. She said she didn't want to open the card because she would probably cry. I told her I didn't think she would; it wasn't overly emotional. She did and thanked me. I asked her to go ahead and open the gift which was a necklace and earrings I'd made. I told her I had been paying attention to what she'd been wearing because I'd not seen her wear anything else I've made for her. She said, "Hmmm, notice I wear a lot of black, huh?" I said yes. She said she wears the breast cancer awareness bracelets to related events and she wears the green one to church or when she dresses up. She said she loved that one, but she doesn't wear a lot of bright color during the week (she doesn't). She put on the necklace, but not the earrings. She really liked the earrings, though.

We hugged (and she didn't let go until I did). I asked her if I could pay her because I owed her for three sessions and the receptionist was gone. She said okay and asked what my copay was. I told her and she said, "$180?? I feel bad taking that much money from you!" I said, "It's what I owe you." She said, "Yes, but..." I said, "Run the card. It's a flex health spending card. Really." So she did. We wished each other a Merry Christmas and happy New Year. She said she hoped 2013 would be better for the both of us. I said I hoped so too.