When I suffered all that loss I just broke. And at first I was so angry, an anger that I didn't know what to do with either. But I had so many emotions I didn't know what to do with, and I was hypervigialant for months tending to so many injured animals one of which was so hard and she ended up dieing.

When I talked to any therapist I could not put into words the tremendous value of what I lost was to me. I didn't know how to explain the depths of it and I did try and I was so misunderstood.

Sitting across from my lawyer was always so hard because he always made me feel that what I lost "was not worth that much" or "what I did or had was not that valuable". His main focus was always on the horse that did have a high appraised value. Every time I was with him, and left him I drove home in tears as though I would never be able to tell people what was really lost.

I was going to include the psychological damage as well. He got my records and when I did see my records I noticed there were "wrong diagnoses" and "talk about my CSA". And it was so hard to know this man I hardly knew got to read that and know it. And then he told me that my "creepy" and "negligent and intrusive and disrespectful" neighbor would also get to know very private things about me. AND, he could do whatever he wanted with that information, even give it to the media.

How is it that someone, someone so creepy and disrespectful can just be careless and rip apart someones soul to the depths of them? Out of all the things in my past that has brought me pain, this is the worst tbh. It has torn me apart and my whole family apart as well. And my family doesn't truely understand how badly this has hurt me either. I can't seem to find the words to discribe the depths of it.

Big Mama, I am sorry, maybe I hyjacked your thread somehow? The gravity just hit me I guess. And, I guess I want you to know too, that you are not alone. I do understand how you feel the challenge too.
And I am glad that you have a "good therapist" that also understands too. I didn't get that for a long time.
So, you are very lucky to have that. I can see you are truely a good person, and I do believe that with time you will learn how to finally put your challenges to rest and find a better balance to your life. You truely "do" deserve that.

((((Big Giant Hugs)))

Open Eyes