(((((((((((((((EV))))))))))))) you are very brave for sharing this. My mom molested me and it took me years to even acknowledge it, much less be able to talk about it in therapy. My T helped me realize that I didn't earn it, deserve it, or do anything to bring it on, which is key, because I had always blamed myself.
Feeling numb over your own story is a defense mechanism. I've done it too. The more you talk about it, the more you will be able to feel your feelings about it. They can be intense, and scary, but it leads to healing.
Thank you for sharing this with us. It took courage!
Love, Candy