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I am starting this thread for all to give input on how we can begin to heal the emotional/mental wounds our children are holding so that we do not loose any more children.
I am also writing this to express graditude to one person because I read one of your post that especially touched my heart. It was regarding a mother speaking out in the media about her sons mental illness. The media explained a monster in the making. A sad story.
I did not read the article, I did not need to.
I was glad to see that you made it a point to speak out about the child's right to privacy! That was denied him.
How is any child going to behave appropriately growing up in such an environment where a mother chooses punishment over discipline? Making the child out to be the bad seed, she is apparently overwhelmed and under a lot of stress. You knew that this needed delicate hands trying to find an approach that would appeal to the mother without her becoming defensive. Bless you for your understanding.
Bless your eyes for seeing. We are loosing our children. And there must come a time today for change. You admitted that with your own journey there were times when you thought you were doing the right thing, but in the middle of chaos, we make mistakes.
I have to admit myself that there were times, in the middle of chaos, I have made mine. I have apologized to my adult daughter. For there were times I had to make decisions and also times she saw me not my best. I told her I was sorry and asked for her forgiveness. I did not apologize for the way that I raised her, that I did well. The apology was more for any hurt that I may have caused her. This is sincere place to start healing. And may open doors for better communication. Honestly I believe children hold grudges and hopefully owning the truth through their eyes is a beginning step forward. Giving them an opportunity for them to let go instead of making similar mistakes.
Now I am not advocating over apologizing for every mistake we made while raising our children. Just that when we realize as our children become adults and we see our kids making not the best decisions or that when we think why are they behaving this way and we reflect we may see ourselves. And if you want them to change, a quick way to kick start that would be to tell them, "oh I see you are just like me/ I did!!" This comes from my personal Mother daughter relationship, I never had a son so I cant say if it would be the same.
Children get the very best of us and also some of the worst.
I also think that parents of young children should learn that you can discipline a child without using harsh language or threatening punishment and while disciplining never withdrawing your love / patience. Parents aren't perfect and from time to time it would be healthy for children to witness a parent apologizing to other people and when appropriate offer the child your apologies if we have hurt their feelings. Not to over use, keeping with showing and not telling. Children need to feel safe enough to express themselves and learn how to regulate their emotions.
We can not tell them their feelings are wrong.
But we can teach them the hierarchy of emotions/feelings, what do you think?
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Happiedasiy,
Selfworth growing in my garden
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