I know I had so much to say today and could only get through so much, but it was still hard to wrap up so quickly. When you opened the door and there was someone waiting right there, I realised that I couldn't even say goodbye properly. I just said "thanks for all of this year" and you called out "have a good Christmas" as I left. You said it was okay to text so I sent a heartfelt text to say a little of what I couldn't say as I left. I said how much you meant to me, that I hoped you had a great Christmas, that I would miss you so much, and that I was sorry for the difficulties I've caused. You said "that's fine and thanks". It broke my heart. I've tried to be rational, but I've always needed the relationship, feelings...and now...I can't tell if you're still there. It would have helped me to hold on if you'd given me a tiny little bit of something. Wished me well too...or anything. Anything at all. I don't know how to hold on for so long now. I wish I hadn't risked reaching out in text. I've never been good enough for anyone, and I guess after all these years...I don't mean very much to you either. I know there's something wrong with me and that no matter how much I do or how hard I try...nobody, nobody, not a soul actually likes me. Nobody...not even you. I really thought you did. I thought you did.