I am travelling alone because I don't trust anyone not to make it worse and my flight is just when the sun comes up so hopefully few people at the airport. Its really the other people I have a problem with. Even the cab driver will be a problem for me but it will still be dark. I will take my smallest bear, no caffeine, and will be listening to an audiobook with headphones. Maybe sunglasses but I will have them if I need them. The notes thing is also a great idea since I like to write when I freak out. It kind of takes me away because I can't concentrate on the people and writing at the same time.
Two of my family members are fading from this world fast and it will be probably the last time I ever see them. I have to go I know that. I don't need anymore guilt and that would be a big guilt trip.
I didn't realize how stressed out I am. My exhusband got out of prison after 6+ years and has been calling and emailing me. He is not allowed in my country which is some relief though it didn't stop him last time. I don't think he knows where I live but he hasn't asked which makes me wonder. Now xmas and this trip. Though one kind of gets rid of the other at least for 5 days. I know I can do it cause the people I really respect in this world are going to be checking out soon and I need that time with them I know. I know it sounds kind of sick but the good part about all this is that both of them have neurological diseases and they no longer know who I am or what is going on. That actually makes me feel safe in a strange kind of way.
So I leave in 7 hours and just want to thank you guys for helping out. I hope you have great holiday season and a wonderful next year.