I am very grateful for these knowledgeable replies. Even though I am a nurse and was very good at standing up for my patients, I am am putty in their hands, when it comes to me. Yes, Lee, I believe they are power-tripping at my expense. It has made me so angry. Yesterday, I went off like a nut at my psychiatrist. I asked him why I have to be the in between the two of them . . . and WHY couldn't they collaborate like consulting professionals. (They are part of the same system.) Then I felt so ashamed that I lost my dignity by going off like that.

My PCP told me that he frowns on me taking Ritalin that my pdoc prescribes. So I've done without it for weeks. I am very depressed for a number of reasons, but the stopping of Ritalin might be a factor. Yesterday, my pdoc says he sees no problem taking Ritalin in the morning and taking Vicodin now and then. That's when I snapped. Trying to mediate between these two doctors has me feeling like I am trying to mediate peace in the Middle East. They should be working as a team to help me. I will stay in touch. Thank you for wanting to help me. I have no family near me. I am never accompanied by anyone when I go to these bozos. I have no one to stand up on my behalf, or even be a witness to what goes on. This is a county health plan that I must use until I am eligible for Medicare in less than 2 years. Then I can go back to the doctors I used to have before I got on SSDI.

Sidestepper, I will have to re-read your post tomorrow. Thank you for helping me to not be afraid of being sent to a pain clinic. What you say about liver function monitoring makes a lot of sense. It is true that the more you document, the more respect you command. It is hard to be all that organized when you are depressed.

I really am only habituated to this sleeping pill because a resident insisted on me taking it. I do have a sleep disorder since age 3. But my antidepressant - amitriptyline - works quite well as a sleep inducer. I was fine on that for years, until providers started pushing benzos on me. I believe I can get off Temazepam, if I do it gradually. I am very sensitive to benzo withdrawal. The Ritalin was probably never a great idea. Again, a resident thought it would be the cat's meow. I think I may be in some withdrawal from that.

I've never smoked cigarettes and I don't even like coffee. So I don't have a past of being substance-habituated. I do like a beer with some meals, like a boiled dinner. It's kind of an ethnic thing.

I do understand that doctors are scared of someone like me taking a benzo and a hydrocodone and a beer before bedtime and not waking up the next morning. They have to protect themselves. That combo probably is not so dangerous as what they already had me on months ago when I did wake up with a heartbeat of over 140. I was taking a stiff dose of Temazepam AND Seroquel AND Tegretol AND Nortriptyline. I was walking into wall like a drunkard. I was falling asleep with food in my mouth. When I protested that I was overly medicated, they thought I was just being difficult. I am really disgusted, as I recollect what I've been through.

Both of these doctors were pushing Seroquel, like it was the Elixir of the Gods. Even 200 mg made me stuporous. But they said they wanted to get me up to 600 mg each night. I think they are more likely to harm me with drugs than I am to harm myself. I have an abnormally fast heart rate all my life. I am attuned to that and to anything that exacerbates that.

Well, enough thinking for tonight. I am worn out. I am glad I came back to PC. My self-esteem has taken a beaten with how these doctors treat me. Then I feel so guilty when I get irritable with them. I maybe need to forgive myself for that . . . maybe say I didn't get into that state of mind without some extended stress put on me unnecessarily.

(JD), Thanks for input. Has Obamacare been a factor in discouraging docs from writing pain scripts? How has that played out in Florida? I would be interested to learn more about what impacts what. May you get your "hope" back. Good luck with your new pain MD. Let us know how that works out.

Thanks all of you, very much.