Unfortunately it does seem like talking about the relationship itself is necessary at times (in fact there's a general consensus that the relationship IS the therapy and so being able to talk about it is central.) I'm not that keen on it, not anymore, I'd rather be sorting the stuff that openly bothers me but if and when things about what's going on between T and I surface, then I know I just have to bring it up otherwise my defensiveness and resentment get in the way of the therapy.

Like you this time round in therapy for me feels different and deeper and potentially more helpful than with other Ts I've seen and so the stakes are a lot higher that I can trust T - as you say - to feel safe and be able to say ANYTHING and still be accepted.

Is your T encouraging of your talking about how you feel within the relationship itself? My T is very good like that and reminds me often that it's important to bring up how I'm feeling or thinking about her and how she works and whether I think she's done something wrong etc which is really helpful as it's so difficult sometimes to bring in negative things. I used to have to psych myself up to do that with previous Ts by being prepared to end the therapy if I wasn't heard or understood.

I think the general idea is that the more we can talk about the 'us' and have it worked through and accepted and made safe, the more it supposedly alters our paradigms and models of how relationships work.

Sorry I'm really rambling here, have been feeling weird for a while now so if anything I've said in this post sounds off or like I'm teaching you to suck eggs, please ignore it, I'm just finding it hard to say what I really mean

I hope you don't have too long to wait before you see T again

Torn