That is really tough Stardusted. I wish I had some brilliant advice to help you, but I just do not. I do understand what you are saying though about being angry and ugly toward the person you need to most: your husband.

It does not make sense, but that is what we do. I have done more times that I want to acknowledge.

DBT talks about the "shoulds" and maybe getting rid of some of the judgement in our lives. I sensed from your post that you feel like you "should" have the families over for christmas and so you are, but u really do not want them there. Recognizing that is really good. Maybe next year, you can allow yourself to take care of you for christmas and not have people over that you do not really want there. Just a thought.

Maybe you could talk to your hubby about how you feel and ask him to maybe make a special effort to help you feel more secure in his love. I dunno. I am grasping at straws here really.

Maybe try doing a google search for interpersonal effectiveness and use some of those techniques????