I would love to live without the anxiety, fear. I would love it if I were born with thinking processes and the mindset of my adoptive family, so I would not have been perceived and treated so poorly that I developed into someone that they thought was so awful and wrong simply because I wasn't part of the sheeple mentality.

I tried to just be me and follow my dreams but for some reason it was addressed as an MI to be ridiculed, put down and discarded. The black sheep. The crazy thing is that everything I was striving for and wanted to do and achieve, the people that put me down most and told me I would fail, ended up taking those ideas and literally did them themselves...and became successful and empowered by it. So confusing.

I wish I was brought up with acceptance and my gifts and talents were considered something to be nurtured and my insecurites and natural doubts and questions were treated with love, compassion and tools to grow. But it was not to be.

So here I am. For good or bad. So if there were a pill I could take to restore me back to creativity, self confidence and to my real self, yes, I would take it in a heartbeat.

I believe I was pretty awesome back in the day but when the people you rely on most work hard to bring you to the dark side and it isnt in your dna -not who you are - it is truly damaging. It breaks you. It destroys your spirit if you are put down and kept down long enough.