Quote:
Originally Posted by RomanSunburn
When you say he's not interested in intimacy or showing passion... I honestly almost feel like that shouldn't matter. Because you two are a team, and you are interested in those things. Just like you show interest in his business because it's his and you love him. Relationships are about give and take. He has to be willing to meet you half way, and you have to be able to discuss these things together.
I also agree that maybe you need to try to build up to it again. Plan date nights. Start with someone casual once a week and build up to more fancy, romantic nights. Ask him to plan every other one, or maybe just once a month till he gets into it. And dont expect the night to end up in bed, just see where it takes you.
I definitely understand what you're dealing with. My husband has never been very sex-enthused due to an ex girlfriend, and things only got worse when he was in a really stressful, really self-esteem killing job. And we used to fight a lot about it because I didn't want to always have to put myself out there and get rejected a good portion of the time. It hurts, darn it! And honestly, the only thing that REALLY worked? Lots of communication (and then follow through on his part), and eventually a new job... I'm sorry I don't have better advice, and I know how awful this... But start talking to him.
Good luck, we're here for you!  |
This is very helpful. Unfortunately, I do think the ADD has something to do with his lack of intimacy/emotional connectedness issues. He's mentioned having this issue in prior relationships and I just think that he doesn't know how to connect. In fact, he might just not be able to do it. As strange as this sounds, he is very connected with animals....they have a kind of unspoken language....maybe it's knowing that they don't judge and will never leave....His mother was a professional singer when he was young, and she was away on tour a lot during his formative years. I think he probably shut down quite a bit as he was also left to help take care of his younger brother...they had nannies, of course, but his father also traveled with his mother while on tour. He's incredibly independent emotionally but I don't know how much he can do to fix this now...at age 38. He does try...he knows he has this problem so he's been trying to reach out to old friends on Facebook and calling them for their b-days. But, he seems to only connect so far...I will try the date night suggestion...but, since money is an issue for him right now, we'll have to be creative!!! Thanks for the suggestions.