I am sorry Sadkoala...The Anniversary of my sisters death was today..and I too could not attend her funeral...when I go to her gravesite..I have yet to break down and cry because I am just not capable yet ..being alone in a graveyard over a friend or family members grave..may be very hard for you to bare alone due to the possible emotional release that may occurr..I think that ppl need a conection at that time to help them thru the process...so if you do go..I would recommend you take someone you trust and someone who cares for you..

When I took her daughter to her grave, it was the first time she had been allowed to go their since her mother died a few years before, my sister who had adopted her held a deep hurt over the death process of what had occurred in Hospice and so much more...and became stuck in the anger part of grieving..and did not allow my Niece to visit her moms grave..but it was Mother's day..and my sister wanted to spend some time with her kids alone, so she asked me to take my Niece for the day..so how could I not allow her to lay flowers or something at her mom's gravesite..

when I took my young neice who was around 10-11 at the time to the gravesite..it was my first time and her second..I did not know where she was buried in this huge graveyard..but my Niece had memorized the funeral route and spot...my heart broke for her as she guided me to the site based on the landscape..how she must have etched every turn, every tree into her mind so she wouldnt forget..It was very hard on me as I thought about what to say to my sister ..and still try and maintain a sense of strength for my young niece..but suddenly.. she..became so distraught ..when she read her mother's tombstone..because when they buried her it was not in place, so she had not seen what the family had chosen to put on it..but it read "we loved you..but God loved you more"..and she read that outloud..then she went balistic started pounding on the tombstone and crying..how she loved her more than God did...and that she needed her more than God did...then she turned and ran to me and I let her just cry and shake in my arms until she could not cry any more..then we left....because I knew this was not the time for me..I had not realized how much grief and mourning this young girl still carried up until that visit..

I guess what I am trying to share with you..is that if you decide to go to the gravesite..dont go alone...emotions are very powerful and you need someone there who can help you work them thru..again bring someone you would trust your anger and your tears with..

Take care and I hope for you healing in your time of grief...