Quote:
Originally Posted by nothingtolivefor
Rorschach test.
Have you considered the possibility that this interaction between you and your therapist resembles Rorschach test?
Therapist holds up email (ink blot) and asks, "What do you see?"
You respond unemotionally at first and then setting aside your indifference about the email become emotionally interactive.
It's kind of like seeing the ink blot and saying with unemotional indifference and aloofness that all you see isink on piece of paper that has been folded in half and then after consideration you see a butterfly.
I wonder if your therapist wanted your emotional reaction to be your first reaction.
Maybe she wanted your default reaction to be emotional because she sees that as your authentic emotional self.
I wonder if that something she saw all 12 months ago. Hence, a comment about your progress.
I I wonder if she views the indifference and aloofness as a harm to yourself in terms of caring for your own emotional well being.
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This idea is really great IMO, but you don't know my T. T is not really interested in my authentic emotional self. She is actually a disciple of the "fake it until you make it" theorem. What she tells me the most is: "feelings aren't facts". She says I've always lived by my emotions and that is not healthy because "feelings aren't facts". She is a very practical sort and she has not been very interested in my feelings much, particularly towards her. Unless they are negative. Then she blows up and calls my actions "borderline". Even though she doesn't think I have BPD.
I recognize this T relationship is probably not the healthiest; however, the pros have outweighed the cons so far. I've done quite a bit of changing and healing in the past 20 months. Who I am this Christmas is a stronger and more authentic (not hiding who I am) version of me who recognizes she is a person of worth and value. If not for T, I wouldn't be in this place.