hi beautiful_pain, may i just say that you are not alone in this. We here at PC understand what you are going through and you certainly dont need to apologise for not replying much. you have to be happy within yourself to be able to commit to others.

to be as low as you are is so so hard. i was there once. i know how lonely it can be, but there is a way out of it. i dont know you very well so i dont know what your interests/passions are, so all i can sya is to keep up doing them and keeping positive influences around you, even if its watching a film, listening to the radio, reading a book, art, etc. these help stimulate your mind and even though it may feel it isnt helping, it works on your inner self and keeps it staying strong.

you are strong BP, i can see that. its sometimes the best way to deal with depression, to just sit back and accept it, accept how it makes you feel and go from there. the more we fight these feelings the harder it is.

are you going to therapy for your depression? are you on meds? i see someone has already asked but i though i would ask again.

have faith in yourself, BP. trust that your mind will work itself out, you need to help it stay nourished, and thats why you should continue doing things that normally make you happy. without positives, the mind finds it harder to heal itself.

i hope things ease up for you very soon, im here if you need me ok. you dont have to be alone, and by being here at PC, that certainly isnt true.

take care and good luck.

simon