(((((((((Beautiful_Pain))))))))))

First, like other people have said - take care of YOU first. You can't help anyone if you're not feeling good yourself.

If you're on the verge of becoming psychotic, is there anyone you can talk to about that? It doesn't sound like a good spot to be in, let alone by yourself.

You don't want to die - you just want to stop feeling crappy. Perfectly normal. I've been there. It sucks.

I'm sorry. Please take care of yourself. *hugs*