I have some apprehension towards my first time. My boyfriend is very reassuring and comforting when he says he will take things one step at a time and not rush things. I'm nervous just to be naked with him and touch him. There are no plans to have sex for a while--my boyfriend told me it's completely in my ball park of when I feel ready--but when I am with him I want to go farther and when I'm alone I think about sex with him.
I know I'm not ready for sex right now, but I'm stuck with this black and white view of my virginity that I HAVE to have intercourse first or else it will ruin my virginity and I will be regretting it for the rest of my life. I realize that's an unhealthy way to view it, and I'm trying very hard that there's more than one option to lose my virginity. I've never been able to orgasm vaginally using my toys, and when I've been fingered I've been super sore after and it feels very uncomfortable, so now I'm rethinking how I want to lose my virginity. I've brought it up with my bf that I would like to try an*l first instead of intercourse and he was receptive and reminded me to take things slow.
There's a lot I need to think about and I'd need to have more talks with my boyfriend before doing this, but I'm very happy how respectful and comforting he's been.
|