Hi,

I never thought my first post on anywhere would be about Christmas, lol, but it's the only thing that's on my mind right now, to the point where I'm obsessively thinking about it.

I'm dreading Christmas.

The last time I saw my family [the ones you only see on certain occasions] I was in recovery & things were so good and everything, and everyone was so proud. But, when I see them this Christmas it won't be like that, I'm slipping back so hard and fast and they're just gonna... know. & I can't stand to see the disappointment on their faces and I just... It's gonna be awful.
Also, the whole fiasco of Christmas dinner. I can't be dealing with that right now, the thought is terrifying me - ugh, all this is making my head swim