No, I never did think of her or her needs. My behavior has been the purest selfishness, a total denial of reality; maybe the greatest immaturity an adult can possess. The way I'm feeling now, I don't want to touch or look at another body than my wife's ever again. But I know I need counseling. Even now my reaction is immature - I feel like a bad child who's been caught doing something wrong, and I need mommy's love again to make everything all right. Not adult feelings. Or are they? Isn't there some aspect of that kind of child-like feeling to all love relationships? I don't know.

On a more prosaic note, my wife's reaction was pretty bad. I don't know if our marriage will survive. Aside from seeking and securing counseling, and stopping the web-surfing, drinking late at night, etc., I don't know what else to say or do to start healing her wounds. I feel like I need to say or do something in the short run to keep her feelings from hardening and becoming unreachable. My wife told me she hates me last night. That makes two of us.

Thanks so much for listening. If I lose my wife and kids I don't know what I'll do.