(((jen)))

I can relate to the pain and guilt that you're feeling inside. I am on disability as well, and have really struggled with dark thoughts that I'm a huge burden to society and family. This fact weighs on me heavily. I tried to work part-time, I really enjoyed it for a bit, but then my emotional world became a lot worse. I couldn't handle working any more.

Like Roadie, my doctors are trying to get me into thinking in a different way. From their perspective, I don't deserve all of this shame that I carry inside. Getting into a different mindset isn't an overnight process, of course. So, I like to tell myself that I'm on the road to getting better. Recovery from my inner hell. The shame is a tough emotion to manage. That takes openly talking with T's and pDocs ~ yet still being emotionally accepted by them (like Roadie and lots of us are doing).

I do think that George had a really good idea (if you honestly & deeply feel that you didn't treat your family very well during youth) in apologizing to your mom and siblings. I am sure that they'll accept your sincere apology and that ought to really lift some of the guilt that you feel inside.

Gentle hugs to you jen ~ you're in my thoughts.