The other day, I took a friend to a mutual friend's party. I had a very good time, but I am worried that my friend didn't. Whenever I go to parties, I feel like I draw attention to myself because I can't stop talking and saying kind of crazy things. Then I feel terrible because of that. So this friend left the party, and almost didn't tell me bye, and my feelings were really hurt. (It was always the plan that she'd get another ride home.) She is one of the sweetest people, and I was feeling kind of sad that maybe she didn't have fun, and I should have tried to make sure that she did because I brought her. I stayed at the party and had a nice time.

Then the next day, I just couldn't bring myself to get out of bed, or to take a shower and get ready. I had a holiday party last night that I almost didn't go to because I was in such a terrible mood. Every little thing became a problem for me. I didn't respond to any social media or text messages I got, I cried when I ordered pizza and there was too much cheese on it. I cried and threw things two other times, but can't remember why. I was very uncomfortable and unhappy when I got to this party, and felt like I had to pretend to be in a good mood - it was really different from the night before. The party was very cute, quite unique, and would normally be what I consider fun, but I had to try sooo hard to enjoy myself. I don't think my bad mood was directly related to feeling bad about my friend... although maybe partially? I stayed at that first party a few hours after she left, and I had a pretty good time. Today, I feel slightly better than yesterday, but still haven't left my bed, despite the fact that I've really had to go to the bathroom for about an hour. I don't want to get up. But I feel more lazy than really sad like yesterday.

Nothing I normally do sounds entertaining. I don't want to be productive either. Everything annoys me. My parents aren't sensitive to how I feel when I really try to tell them, which I don't always do. I have nothing to look forward to in the holidays.