i agree with splash--look into some couples therapy. my husband was incredibly needy and very passive-aggressive toward me for most of our relationship, but that was only because i tolerated that from him. a little over a year ago i started seeing a therapist on my own and by about the 4th or 5th session i told him i wanted to leave my husband. my therapist was an annoying little prick and asked my why i wanted to leave. he then proceeded to shoot holes in every one of my arguments and encouraged me to at least *try* couples therapy for a little while first. so my husband and i have been doing that for close to a year. it really has helped a lot. my therapist has helped my find ways to thwart my husband's passive-aggressive crap and he has really helped my husband understand how i interpret a lot of his actions. he also explained to my husband how my past affects the way i perceive his actions.

it sounds like your husband might not have had a very good example of a marriage to emulate. it's possible that much of his controlling behavior might be completely unconscious. if that's the case, some couples therapy might help him to see how his approach to you is counterproductive. in any case, it doesn't sound like it could make things much worse for you.

oh, and for about 4 months after my husband and i started couples therapy, my individual therapy sessions were little more than me venting my frustration and resentment about the 7 million things my husband had done to piss me off that week i think that alone helped me to see my husband in a different light. once i had an outlet for my resentment, it was easier for me to give him the benefit of the doubt and try a different approach to him.