Hamstergirl,

I'm sorry. Please don't think I was trying to get you to change overnight. I'm just trying to sympathize and offer support. I was emotionally abused as a child too-- it was mild and I'm sure you've been through much worse, but I just wanted to share with you that my healing began with me changing how I was perceiving my life.

I applaud you for speaking out about your situation for the first time. That's a great first step. And I'm so sorry if my posts upset you. I thought I was being kind and understanding. I'm glad you're venting though-- it sounds like you have a lot to get out, so let it out. I know it can't be good to keep all that emotion bottled up.

I totally understand you feeling vulnerable. But I still stick by my suggestion of trying to meditate on something pleasant when you start to feel sick, violated, contaminated. And try to absorb the kindness and the gentleness of the doctors.

I'm not sure what the river incident was-- I think I missed that post, but I'll go and try to find it.

Meanwhile, please know that I'm not judging you or sitting here thinking you should miraculously fix yourself or your attitude. I realize you're doing exactly what you're able to do in this moment. But I also know that I've gotten tidbits of advice like this during really bad times of my life and some of them have helped me let go of patterns, fears and to realize that I have so much more power than I realized.

Emotional abuse from a parent left me with very little self-esteem and I am still working really hard to overcome it and be a confident, strong woman at 38. I'm being so emphatic with you because I know you can overcome some of your obstacles.

Keep your posts coming. Your writing is very authentic and articulate. I can speak for myself, but I'm sure others would agree-- I'm getting a very good idea of how you are feeling, even though I can't know what you are going through.

With loving kindness and support,
-Kelly