I understand the feeling that even when you know subconsciously that it's abuse, you see all the good qualities of a partner and still feel love for them. From what I've read, it would be more unusual if you didn't feel that way. And it will be so hard to listen to other people say bad things about him, when you know his good side and instinctively feel loyal to him. It's horrible. I hope you can find the help you need.