You are smarter and wiser than you give yourself credit for. There is no reason everwhya person cannot commend themselves for their integrity, especially when enduring an onslaught of overwhelming situations.
But, you told the lawyer NO. That speaks to your unwillingness to compromise your core values to distract you from your pain. Secondly, your decision to remove toxic people from your circle ( the druggies) again speaks of your unbendable stand not to compromise, no matter how lonely you may feel. You had the courage to go to McD's on a family holiday. My point being, when we are so deep in grief, it's easy, almost natural to retreat and many times claw for a glimmer of a reason to rise. But you didnt retreat. YOU ROSE..and you sound like you keep doing so. Please, just keep on in the practice. tiny steps, larger steps..what ever you are ok with at the time. Now is the time for youto give yourself permission to put yourself in the forefront. It has taken me thirty years to do this myself. My problems are similar in origin. Your daughter will be fine. truly. I have all 3 of my adult children living back home. Its a hard seperation to make- we are still mothers who love their children, but they have to learn life lessons, and trust in the parents love for them. Your daughter sounds like mine, and mine is 21.( suddenly a scholar at life, mind you. I wouldnt be that age again for anything.Really.) I pulled back..way back. it sure didnt happen overnight, it hurt like hell, and was confusing. i realized my kids were their own people..3 distinct individuals with the rightto screw up and learn like the rest of us did. Your 15 yrold knows you are there.
Let yourself indulge in the once socially unheard of act of loving yourself first. In upbuilding self talk, in other self-honoring ways. Do keep getting back up. Even if we crawl, we are still moving. You just keep on going. Please feel free to contact me, atotal stranger yes. I empathize . i have been there, deaths, unhealthy friendships, kids, you name it.
Annie