hi lmn

i agree that venting can be a very helpful thing sometimes and this forum is the right place to do it, among people who understand and care.

try to hang on to those past two weeks. there is at least a possibliity that it may be a sign that things are getting better, even if right now they are only small, discrete instances. everyone's experience of the illness is different but is it possible that in the past even a visit home wouldn't make you feel any better? maybe at least some of the ability to enjoy things is starting to come back.

i think that is what is starting to happen to me... and for moments when i have any "good" experience, even just laughing at the last episode of "friends" or "aqua teen hunger force" i try to "mark" that in my mind and even if i can' t recall the experience, i can have a conscious memory that at least in spurts i am able to enjoy some things again, something to hang on to.

as long as you are fighting this there is hope, even if the depression prevents you from "feeling" hope. And you are working to get through this: by recognizing the need to vent and doing so, by taking your medications and waiting for them to work, and by keeping your "eyes open" for the possiblity of some good experiences, even if right now they are fleeting. hopefully periods of feeling good will come stronger with time.

even though it is difficult, or impossible, to incorporate "logic" into "feelings", try to remember that the hopelessness and the feeling that no one could love you are entirely falsehoods concocted by the illness. They don't reflect your true self, only a distorted image of yourself. You certainly DO deserve to be loved and to be happy and "normal" again and with time we all hope that will come again for you.

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--http://www.idexter.com