hamstergirl i can understand some of those feelings about the hospital, the doctors, and even music (although music usually has a good effect for me, the idea of it provoking a very emotional response is understood).

I really just want to remind you again that you are doing several constructive things in this and yes, making changes hopefully toward the better. For one talking about these issues here for the first time is a huge step, and also the trust you have for father lindsay and your friend doug. even a little trust does not come easily to everyone and in your situation i understand that just the idea of trusitng someone is a stressful burden in itself. but you are still talking to the Father and to your friend and even if it is just a small instance of letting yourself be open just a little bit that is a huge step and a difficult one to have accomplished.

I know you understand that the people here just want to help and i also understand that suggestions can sometimes hit "hot buttons" that make us very emotional. I can't speak for anyone else here but for me letting out these emotions doesn't make me uncomfortable as i see them as a part of your process and progress. i see your anger as directed toward your situation rather than toward anyone here and i believe that facing that anger and getting it out is an important thing for you to do. you certainly are justified in having anger and expressing that here and with your friends will be important toward hopefully getting past it to some extent.

i know nothing is going to change overnight, it would be quite destabilizing if stuff like that happened overnight! but the evidence of your strength in looking to work through this are recognizable. i hope you can see the strength that you have in dealing with this and looking for a better way of living with this even if it is a slow and painful process.

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