Louisa,

It's great that you want to help your friend. I have found that it does help to have found other people who know what it's like and be able to talk to them. Like Ozzie told you, though, you have to make sure to take care of yourself. The responsibility to be the only person who can help her is pretty big, and you should not feel like you have to take that on. She needs to talk to a doctor or mental health professional, like you have told her, but if she is not ready for that yet, maybe she would come talk to us here. We understand it too - several of us are or have been self-injurers ourselves, and we support each other. One more is always welcome.

There are probably several reasons why your friend doesn't want to tell a doctor. Self-injury is often not well-received, although that is changing and more and more professionals are starting to be able to understand it now. She also probably doesn't feel ready to give it up. Maybe it is the only way she has to cope with her feelings. Self-injury is not the problem itself, and it doesn't actually help just to talk about that behavior. There are powerful emotions and feelings behind it, usually that have been denied and stuffed away, and those feelings will need to be dealt with. I don't recommend that you take on that project - it takes someone with professional training - although you could try asking her what she is feeling the next time she brings up cutting, and focus on that instead of the cutting. The thing to emphasize is that our feelings are real, and we all have a right to have our feelings, no matter what a parent or someone has told us before. Sometimes expressing those feelings and having someone accept them, although it probably takes a lot of acceptance over a length of time, can be what it takes to not need to hurt oneself anymore.
Wendy


<font color=orange>"If we are going to insist that people pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, we must ensure that they have boots."</font color=orange>