Hi all,

Yesterday I had an outburst of rage at my mother's and stepfather's home. My throat is still aching as I have yelled at my stepfather for quite a time at the top of my voice. My ears started ringing, that's how loud I was.

I am still surprised, because usually I am rather self-controlled or derisive, when feeling angry.

I cannot say what the trigger was, probably a personal offense, because I remember that I darted out of my chair shouting at him, how dare he talking to me like this. I noticed that he was shocked when confronted with my rage, and then he accused me of being crazy.

My mother started crying, as usual, and lowering the blinds at the window, complaining to her husband about the "best Christmas" she ever had and that she sometimes feels like killing herself.

After the outburst I felt surprisingly calm in an empty way, like standing in a cold desert. The way you feel after vomiting. I felt and feel dispassionate about the scene, only a whiff of guilt. In a subsequent talk with my stepfather, which didn't lead anywhere, no reconciliation, he accused my of heartlessness because I didn't show any emotions.

Anyway, last year I finished a three-year therapy. Depression and fear of being critisized. Now I wonder whether this outburst of rage is a positive sign or if something is completely going wrong here. Would a normal person feel bad about it??