I will be alone again this year. Christmas has mostly always been a confusing time for me. It is an extraordinarily special day that I am not a part of. I know it can be / and is stressful for a lot of people...but I cant help but feel separate and alone. We were absolutely not allowed to decorate and have a tree like all the other families because it signified something very sacred to a lot of people that we do not believe in. I do so love winter, though, with the cold weather, twinkly little white lights, the beautiful aromas of cinnamon, ginger, pine, snow. Our father was / is pretty traditional so the answer to the tree was a firm no. Even though our mother thought we should have one so we didnt feel "left out". As an adult, I cant seem to bring myself to purchase even a little tree because it feels wrong somehow. I was born and raised with non-Christian beliefs so it feels wrong to me to take just the parts I love and assign meaning to them that is not in tbe true spirit of the holiday. I have too much respect. And I just dont believe in the main reason for the holiday (sorry) so I feel as though I would not be real. Very confusing, mixed messages. It can be very hard sometimes. Feeling isolated like this.