Hi everyone... I've had depression for the past 5 years and it has ruined my life. I feel like life is pointless, and I almost feel as if I'm losing my sanity, to the point where I believe life isn't real... this isn't reality, that life is a dream/feels like a dream. It doesn't feel real. It might be derealization... but I think depression has caused this.

I have no interests in anything... I mean nothing. Today is Christmas, I've received gifts and should appreciate them... but I can't. I felt nothing... and knowing that makes me feel worst (well.. I don't feel... it's hard to explain, but you get the idea). I feel like it's over, and that there really is no pointing in even trying. Christmas feels like it's just any ordinary day... it means nothing to me. My birthday will be coming up shortly... but I honestly don't even care. Nothing excites me anymore...

Nothing interests me... I have no motivation. I don't want to talk to people... I don't even see the purpose of doing so... and I can't enjoy anything? I mean, I truly think (or "feel") that my life is finito (finished). I feel like I have been cursed with bad luck... I can't explain this, but anything I do, something bad always happens... like pretty much always. I can't even explain (and probably shouldn't) because people may think I'm idiotic or something... or they wouldn't believe me. lol

I truly feel like it's over... family tried to "cheer me up"... but they don't understand. So, I'm on day 5 of taking SANDOZ BUPROPION (generic of Wellbutrin) 100 MG (SR). I know it's too quick to say anything, but I haven't experienced any changes other than headaches and having one dream that almost felt real and colorful... it was pretty cool. I don't feel like I have any energy (people say they feel like they're on speed and feel euphoric)... I still feel tired, maybe a bit less... but I still occasionally take naps. I'm scared of taking SSRI's because they are known to numb emotions (which is not what I want)... and I feel like if Wellbutrin doesn't work for me, then I'm really, really screwed.

I have a few questions for people who have experienced lack of emotions/no desire to do anything/no interests in anything...

1) What medications did you take that made you regain emotions/motivation/interests in doing stuff/interest in life again
2) Do you ever regain the interests of the things you used to like?
3) Do you feel like person you were pre-depression while on meds?

I'm a realist (or maybe a pessimist) but is recovery even possible? It truly is IMPOSSIBLE to see that I will get better again. I just don't think it's possible... I feel like it's irreversible damage.

Someone please tell me it's possible to recover... none of this "blind optimism b.s"... I believe people who are optimistic are delusional. I'm a realist, and only believe in the truth. So... I want to know the truth... is there hope or is my life ruined?