I could tell you that you arn't a wretched creature and you don't deserve to feel disgusted by yourself, but I doubt you'll believe me. I rarely believe the good about myself either. Try and hang in there. You can't always choose the hand you're dealt, but you can choose how you play it. I hope God grants you the wisdon to accept the thing you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.