Hi there. You describe a feeling that is all too familiar. First, I want to tell you that I think you have guts for trying therapy of any kind. The time that you most need help is the time that you are least capable of reaching out.

Your first question about what medications have made me feel human again is complicated. I've been depressed for close to forty years, but there are complications that have gotten in the way of a cure. As a late teen into my early twenties, several medications were tried on me. MAOIs, Melarill and countless others. All made me none functional. I was either vomiting, hallucinating, or unable to get off the floor because the drugs dropped my blood pressure so low. In my late thirties, the newer anti-depressants were tried, not for depression, but for chronic, uncontrollable migraines. (A side effect of many of those drugs is that at low doses, patients report fewer migraines). Even at less than therapeutic doses, I was on the floor again. So, to answer that question, I can't rely on medications to make me feel human.

That being said, I have clients who have told me that they felt much better on various anti-depressants, and that it took a while to kick in, but once it did, they were functional again. The odds are good enough that if you aren't bowled over by side effects, go for it.

DO I EVER REGAIN INTERST IN THINGS I USED TO LIKE?
Sometimes. I"ll admit that it is a real struggle, especially getting started. My animals help me more than anything. My shepherd stands by me 24-7, and forces me to get out walking. Watching him enjoy the walks so much gives me some happiness. Before the migraines cut my work back to 15 hours a week, I was able to fullfill a dream of having a couple of horses. Once I could no longer work as much, a very good friend refused to let me sell them, so they push me to get out to them, interact with them and ride. As far as normal interests, its pretty bleak.

Your final question, I really can't answer because I'm not on anti-depressants. Just medications to try and control pain. (The side effect of those is lethargy and depression). Depending on why you are depressed, ie a specific incident or chemical imbalance, I think there is a chance to regain a good quality of life. You have to want it, work for it and accept that every day is not going to be great. As long as you are alive, there is hope.

Sam2