At the end of Nov., I decided to take a leave of absence from work to get back on my feet. All of Dec. Its almost time to go back and I'm left with the feeling that I have accomplished nothing. My hopes were to give my painful head a break, but its just not working. I'm on a daily cocktail of meds to control the pain, with 8 rescue injections a month, but my body has become tolerant to all the meds. They help very little and that black cloud of depression is falling down around me. No matter what I do, it causes pain. A constant icepick in the right eye with tremendous breakthrough pain a couple of times a week.

I know people with other chronic pain conditions that aren't always depressed and feel guilty that I am. The depression was a pre-existing condition, but I feel that I should be greatful that I have a place to live, clothes on my back, food to eat and a very good friend. For some, that would be paradise. There are times I wonder if I did something horrible and deserve this. I know that is all in my mind, but its so hard to shake.

Sam2