Christmas sucked, but not as bad as I thought it was going to suck. And it sucked in a different way than it has in the past.

Opened presents with son and his girlfriend at our house Christmas Eve. Just a few days shy of turning 21, and my son got me a gift on his own for probably the third year in a row.

After my dad died 6 years ago, I didn't get any Christmas, birthday, or Mother's Day gifts from my son for a while because my dad always took him to get presents and paid for them. Even doing that my son's entire life, it's like it didn't ever sink in, "Hey, my mom buys me gifts. Maybe I should buy her something."

So I was wondering if I would get a gift, and I was touched that he got me a couple of small things and they are things that I like.

I got 3 Christmas cards in the mail. I didn't mail any. I never do.

I put up a Christmas tree for the first time in about 10 years. Figured if this is my son's last Christmas at home (since he wants to move out), I'd at least try to make it seem like Christmas.

I talked my son and his girlfriend into going to my mom's boyfriend's house for lunch. They're in their 70s. Mom really wanted us to come out there.

We didn't have traditional Christmas foods, which bothers me.

Christmas was always great when I was a kid. I saw both sets of grandparents. I saw cousins. We either had family over or we went to their houses and took turns each year. It was an all-day affair.

Christmas hasn't been like that for a very long time, and it has never been like that for my son because he only had one set of grandparents and no cousins.

Christmas morning, I had my big crying jag because my dad is no longer living.

After I got home Christmas night, I just played online. I thought about going to a movie by myself. I'm find with going to movies by myself, but thought it might be odd since it's Christmas and I knew the theaters would be crowded.

I went to bed without feeling tired, but it was midnight. I've hit a funk lately with not feeling tired but knowing I should go to bed to try to keep myself on schedule.

This morning my alarm went off and I gave myself another hour even though I was no longer tired and have a list of things to do.

Didn't shower. Didn't brush my teeth. Threw on dirty clothes. Ran a couple of errands, mostly to get out of this house.

I really hate the way we get all of these ideas from TV, movies, and commercials about how Christmas should be. Happy families around big dinner tables. Men giving their women diamonds. Beautifully-decorated houses. Tons of items that we NEED to buy, make, eat, etc., to make the holidays seem like holidays.