So much to do and not enough time or money and nothing comes fast enough. Just want it all to be done. And can't think much but nowhere to get more thoughts right now. Or maybe too many thoughts already. Making a lot of pretend facebook friends. Just all me but friends with myself, which is how it goes. But it makes me sad. Those people who are on my list are not friends even though they are family they ignore me.

And I want to talk about it but every time I talk I can't think the right words. I deleted 100 posts probably. Feel like there must be a world where I can be friends too, but then even if I find friends I worry about it. And I am like a star shape trying to fit in the circle. I fit in the circle, but don't fill it in right. And everyone can see the star shape doesn't go in the circle.

And I hear them laughing and laughing and it just makes me want to pull my hair out. Because it's either fake laughing or all the time with me is the fake part. Or maybe not fake, but unwanted or not as good as hoped to be. Just a big disappointment, so annoyed to me and happy to others. I want to be the happy to one. Not the diappointment. I always am the diappointment. Want to be the not disappointment for once.

sorry, it's been a not good day today.