Do you take medications?

Yes, right now I'm trying to find something that will work better

If so, do you like who you are on them?

Yes . But I don't have many happy memories or experiences with mania or hypomania, I had a lot of depression and mixed states. And rages and anger issues. and suicidal thoughts. I know I can be better than I am now so that's why I'm trying different meds.

Are you still battling to accept this diagnosis?

No, but I've had a long time to process. I was misdiagnosed with "atypical depression" as a teen and wasn't diagnosed with bipolar disorder until 2000 when I ended up hospitalized. It was a relief but I was also worried the doctors were wrong again. I have had times when I didn't want to take my meds or deal with my diagnosis but as it's become something I'm more in control of instead of something consuming every part of my life it's not so much a battle. I can't forget I have the diagnosis but I don't think of myself as "bipolar" but "having bipolar disorder". It's an important distinction for me to make, in part because when I wasn't medicated/misdiagnosed I *was* bipolar even though I didn't know it -it consumed my whole life and was the only thing that defined me.

Are you battling the decision to take your meds?

Nope. Without my meds I wouldn't be able to sleep at night, I'd have anxiety attacks, I'd be depressed. I admit at first I didn't want to take more meds and I didn't think they'd work but I'd hit bottom with suicide attempt and hospitalization and I only wanted to go up. And despite struggling the meds have gotten me further than I thought I would be.

My life isn't perfect right now, but I'm much better off than I was.