I feel similar about the whole relationship thing...

I used to approach people (very rarely, but it happened) to tell them that I was interested in them and the last time I did this, the rejection was so brutal (like worse than my worst case scenario) that I've had immense trouble having feelings ever since. By that I mean, I still had crushes but was so horrified about what would happen if they ever found out and so upset that I had these feelings that I've completely shut down sexually. And shut down from having any sort of relationship. I am talking to this person who did this to me again, but I'm afraid of what will happen if I bring up how much what he did hurt me and has made it literally impossible for me to ever date.

That of course wasn't meant to deter you from pursuing this guy if you like him. The scenario I just described would only happen to me.

I'm really similar to Two Sons when it comes to experiences/meds I've tried, but I'm actually only 24 and not married (obviously).

I've found that I can just barely imagine a relationship anymore because I was told that that was wrong and creepy and because whenever I imagine a relationship now, the other person always ends up hating me in the end. I don't know if that's true or not...but those sorts of feelings seem common in people with AvPD. Also, imagining relationships is common from what I've read. But like I said, I was told this was bad and creepy (don't know if it's true...I don't know if anything is true anymore).

But if nothing else, I can relate...