Welcome sme49 and Your post really resonated. Though the details very likely differ, can so very much relate to not being sure of being able to really write what it was. Yeah. Still not sure. It was pretty sad as it was, but it found out on Xmas day that it could well have been the worst Christmas ever. Hands down.
Today is definitely much better. Yeah, I'm just sitting here debating whether I can actually write it or not.

And, well, Ladyzero, our moods/episodes aren't always cooperative with dates on a calendar, are they? So, though you are feeling bad about it, it is what it is. I understand. No judgement here, that's for sure! (Heh. My box of chocolates was from... me. Woot, eh?)

The light and easy is: hung out alone from Sunday evening through Christmas morning. BF was in one of his big sleeps (he'll sleep multiple days solid sometimes). Xmas Eve, walked to the drugstore down the street and got some frozen pizza (and box of chocolates, and what the hell, ice cream too -- everything on sale of course.) It wasn't bothering me all that much. A bit lonely, but not bad and nothing holiday-specific. Didn't have anything planned anyway.

Then Xmas. Hmmm. Ok. Here goes. Turns out the big sleep wasn't just the usual. He'd tried to OD.
Merry Christmas.
Could've been worse though.

So I guess post-holiday feeling is: relief.