Ok - I am back and here are the feelings I woke up with this morning.....

When I first woke up I felt lost and out of place, kind of like a bad child that had done something wrong and now I would be in trouble. I felt as though I should not feel like I want to end my life and yet I could not help it - the feelings were just there and I could not control them.... deep rooted wounds took hold from when I was 1 and 5 years old (up to 12).

I have been fighting so hard to stay here in this world and yet the wounds from my past will leave me be, therefore, it gets hard at times and especially during my monthly cycle for I suffer from PMDD and that is usually marked with a strong death wish (brought on my hormonal changes in the body) - a physical reaction that is hard to escape at times, even with medication for this disorder.

I want to live and then I want to escape.............. this roller coater ride of the mind is making my life a real h*ll hole to live in and through. HELP!!


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))